dalai lama enters the stage with slow careful steps - his back curved forward - surrounded by attendants who would gladly carry him if needed - draped in burgundy and gold robes - feet bare. his movement suggests more than his seventy five years, but when he settles and looks at his audience, age is erased. his face is serene and only slightly lined with an indelible smile i would guess he wears even in sleep, and his gesturing hands are smooth and almost young. most of his work has been heart and mind work, so his physical appearance has not taken the wear of someone who has labored with his hands. his sense of humor and playfulness are evident in twinkling eyes and frequent laughter at his own words - almost childlike - and in congruent with the silk lined gold throne where he sits with his legs folded and indiana university visor perching lightly on his head to block the lights. the openness and peace in his presence cannot be denied and flow out into the enamored crowd of buddhists, christians, jews, muslims, and representatives of all faiths and walks of life. he is evidence of a life lived in love - tolerance - compassion - kindness. he does not call for any one of us to renounce our beliefs to follow his. he only offers a science of mind - a way of letting go in release and acceptance.

i am humbled in his presence.

in my own small world of family and pets, home-keeping and tending my garden, i am the master of my universe. i am the answers - not the questions. in this group of seekers, i am a nonentity - a sheltered and inexperienced woman who has lived more than half a life with only the wisdom of a moment. the dalai lama speaks of seeking an existence devoid of self - of exchanging "i" and all that such singularity implies for an existence only relevant in relation to all else. a single person is no more than a tiny dot in the web of all of life fluttering and flowing so each breath is insignificant except for the way it ripples through the entire web. this hints at our smallness on the planet, but it also suggests we are part of something infinite. i am nothing except in my relationship to all else. I have no control - no power - no meaning at all until i become the perception of another human being. then i become mother because my children have perceived me as nurturer and giver and provider, i am daughter because that is what i am to my parents, i am wife to my husband, i am sister to my siblings. without the other beings in my life, i am empty of meaning. my children are a creation of all that has been assigned them. their lives have been molded, their roles created by many moments, hearts, words, encounters. each of us has an identity in relation to all else but it is only a phantom identity created and perceived by the one who is looking. it is not etched in stone - not permanent.

maybe this means i can step away from the roles i fulfill and once again become an empty vessel - rejecting subjective titles and gaining freedom from the attached expectations. maybe i can become nameless, faceless, shifting shapes and forms as the web of life finds my cause and effect at each moment leaving me free to accept the flow without desire for anything more than what is - at this time - in this place. how beautiful to be so impermanent - to have the freedom to transform and change and blow free like a feather - hollow and weightless - strong and purposeful - attached to nothing but essence and pure light.